Gracie's First Year

"Making the decision to have a child is momentous. It is to decide forever to have your heart go walking around outside your body."

Dear Daughter,

Tonight was your first "Welsh Christmas" (because we had already had it by the time you came around last year).   You had so many firsts.  It was your first time eating a meal that was entirely chopped up and no blended food.  Your first time opening gifts.  Your first time having cake.  Your first time playing with balloons. 

You weren't the only one who had a first tonight, though.  Someone else did something for the first time.  Someone like me. 

I broke down tonight. 

And I've done that before, but not like this.  This time it wasn't out of frustration at being a working mom or running on less that 12 hours of sleep for the week, or a crying, teething baby that I just can't comfort.  It wasn't out of drugged, sleepless, hormonal awe like it was the first week or two that you were around. 

It was out of real, genuine emotion.  Happiness.  Sadness.  Amazement. 

Before you have a baby no one tells you that a year after the child is born you'll then have a toddler and no baby.  No one tells you that those absolutely adorable little newborn clothes that babies wear at the very beginning will turn into cute toddler clothes in a matter of months. 

No one tells you that the one person that trusts you most in the world will start doing things on her own and learning and beginning to trust others within months.  I wasn't prepared for you to be okay with everyone holding you tonight.  You didn't cry for anyone. 

I am so happy for you.  I am so happy for our little family.  You have had a beautiful life, Gracie.  I pray that it continues until long after I'm gone.  I am so blessed to have you in my life.  You are the best thing about every single day.  You are the most beautiful thing I look at.  You are the sweetest person I interact with.  You are the smartest person I know.  I can't believe how lucky we are to have you.  That saying is so cliche, but it's how I feel.  How different you could have been so easily and you are wonderful.  You are perfect. 

I cannot believe how far you've come.  I can't even stand that you were my little 6 lb 15 oz girl.  I already don't remember what that was like, but I bet it was a lot easier to carry.  :)  I still am in amazement that a year ago tonight I headed into the hospital with contractions, not knowing what I would leave with. 

I left with someone who held my husband's heart in the palm of her hand and the depth of those little blue eyes.  He loves you so much, you know.  (And that's saying something because he wanted a boy!) :)  He cried like a baby when you joined us in the world. 

Tonight I rocked you to sleep.  I rocked you like you were a 1-month old.  You're not.  Not even close.  But you still fell asleep in my arms.  That was when the tears started rolling. 

(Thanks, Lord, for waiting until we got home to start that business.) 

I can't believe you're a year old.  I can't believe you're climbing out of chairs on your own, eating normal people food, talking (jabbering) to strangers, taking steps....  You were supposed to be a baby for much longer than this. 

Gracie, people say that after you have a kid you can't even remember your life before the baby.  Well let me tell you something - I remember.  This is so much better. 

Love,
Mommy

Dear Gracie

Dear Gracie,

There are some things that I want to say to you before you get too terribly old.  You are honestly the most amazing thing in my life.  I cannot believe how big you are.  I cannot believe how much you know.

A few things that I love about you -

How you just can't stand to sit and watch someone make you a bottle.  People need to understand that you've got a CRAVING to deal with!  You need that formula like stink on a pig.

Your baby sign language.  You're starting to figure out "please".  All I have to do is put your hand close to your chest and you'll kind of finish it yourself.  Your favorite sign though, is "more".  All you do is put your hands together, (which is close, but not QUITE right) and you use that in between bites of food all the time.  Finally, for "milk" (which you USED to sign with gusto) you just scream.  I blame that on Daddy.  All you do is cry and he's all "Okay!"  This is why God gave him a girl.  :)

When I squeal you squeal right back at me.  It's the cutest darn thing.  And when Daddy growls you growl back at him.

You wave at yourself in the mirror.  It's so cute.  You should see it.  Well, I guess you do see it, but you should see it when you'll be able to remember how CUTE it is.

Your doggies.  I'm telling you what, they love you so darn much.  Well, Shelby definitely does.  Oakley has his days.  And if he's doing something like eating, playing, sleeping, laying down, breathing, and so on, you just can't interrupt him with "baby time".  But on occasion he loves playing with you.  It's funny that you can crawl all over a 70-pound German Shepherd and she's all "Baby!  I love babies!  Let's play!  You wanna pull my ears?!  You wanna eat my tail?!  Okay!  I love babies!"  She gets that from Daddy.

Me on the other hand...I'm a sucker for those quiet times.  When Daddy goes to get you out of your crib and brings you into bed with us and we all just lay around and goo goo and pull each other's hair and hide in our "tent" (as Daddy calls it).  You make mornings so much better.  And after breakfast when I cozy up on the couch with my little 2-foot tall mini me, just chillin' in our jammies, reading Happy Baby Look, Feel, and Say Bunny and Friends among other of your favorites.  You love the shininess of the Green Eggs and Ham book but if I try to read it to you you just close it after about 4 pages because it's just too long for a 10-month-old to read in one sitting.  It's okay with me, because I like it when you growl like the tiger and "phffffff" like the elephant in the other book anyway. 

Books?  They're your favorite.  Used to be your sock monkey (which you still love), then suddenly you just couldn't keep your teeth off of the Baby's First Words book...which isn't really all that chewy but...if that's what you like, hey, whatever lady. 

You amaze me daily.  Your smile is so beautiful and your eyes...everyone comments on how blue they are.  And it's true.  They're not just saying that.  You have an attitude and a mind of your own and feel the need to be the center of attention... but we're working on that.  :)  You must get your attitude from your Daddy because I KNOW you don't get it from me.  :|  And while both your Mommy and Daddy have blue eyes, you definitely get your shade of blue from that Daddy of yours.  They match his eyes perfectly.  And that's not a joke.

I love you sweet pea,
Mama